Aging is a challenging journey, often met with apprehension. The concept of a “midlife crisis” is familiar to many, marking a time when our bodies and hormones undergo significant changes, leading to fears about life’s inevitable progression.
However, fearing the inevitable doesn’t prevent it; rather, it can hasten the aging process. The loss of a loved one, particularly a parent, heightens this anxiety, serving as a stark reminder of our own mortality.
My mother faced these challenges head-on. Her health deteriorated, and the loss of her own mother last year plunged her into a state of depression, weakness, and intense pain.
For those who have followed the earlier chapters of my mother’s story, this post marks the culmination of a transformative 5-week visit to Australia. During this time, my family and I, along with my dad, embarked on a mission to rejuvenate her health and mindset, ultimately restoring her zest for life. I share this story in the hope that it might inspire others to embark on their own journey from sickness to health.
By the third week of my parents’ visit, a significant change occurred. Following the cessation of her painkiller patches, my mother seemed to rediscover her vitality. She engaged actively in our daily ritual of sharing “3 things that made me happy today.”
We still refrained from long excursions, but she found the energy to walk around a shopping center for four hours, picking out gifts to take back home. She also enjoyed strolls around the neighborhood with my children, Eden and Ayla.
Her night sweats reduced significantly, occurring just once a night or not at all. Her arm strength improved, allowing her to cook more – an activity integral to her sense of self. Being unable to cook had previously left her feeling helpless. Additionally, her blood sugar levels were excellent, and while she still experienced pain, it was much less severe.
This journey with my mother is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of care, support, and a positive environment.
Witnessing My Mother’s Journey During Their Visit
In the initial two weeks of their visit, my mother seemed overwhelmed by the conversations around her, often retreating into her own world. However, a remarkable change unfolded in the last two weeks, as she began to actively participate in our discussions.
Their first week with us coincided with a party we threw to celebrate their arrival and introduce them to our friends. Our deck was bustling with about 60 guests, each bringing a dish to share. The atmosphere was warm and welcoming, with everyone taking the time to interact with my parents. Some guests even remembered them from their visit 13 years prior.
My father adapted quickly, mingling effortlessly with the guests. As I moved among the crowd, I heard numerous compliments about how ‘cool’ my dad was. He had a knack for connecting with people, finding common ground with several guests within just half an hour.
My mother’s experience, however, was starkly different. She confined herself to the kitchen, despite all the food and guests being outside. Everyone spoke her language, yet she seemed unable to join the gathering.
At one point, my daughter Eden noticed her isolation and urged me to bring her out. It wasn’t easy; my mother insisted there was still work to be done in the kitchen, even though everything was already taken care of.
When I finally coaxed her outside, I seated her next to a group of friendly women who engaged her in conversation, praising her cooking. Her responses were limited to smiles and simple “yes” or “no” answers.
I worried that she might not be fully grasping the conversations, a concern that applied to most of our interactions. But in the last two weeks, there was a noticeable shift. She became more interactive, asking questions and showing a warmer, more open demeanor towards everyone.
This transformation in my mother’s behavior was a heartening development, reflecting her gradual adaptation and increasing comfort with the social environment around her.
My Mother’s Transformation During Their Australian Visit
During our sauna visits, I saw a remarkable change in my mother. Despite her limited English, she began to engage in conversations, sometimes even without my help, using her basic vocabulary and gestures. This was a significant shift from her earlier reticence.
She transformed before our eyes, both in appearance and spirit. For years, discussions about the future had been off-limits with her, but as her visit progressed, she increasingly spoke about what lay ahead.
A symbolic moment occurred when my father, during their stay, secretly arranged to buy a new car, planning to surprise my mother. She had always dismissed the idea of a new car, saying, “We are old. What do we need a new car for?” But my father’s decision to purchase it seemed to declare, “We’re still here, still living and moving forward!”
Whenever we saw luxury cars, my dad playfully asked her opinion, to which she initially responded with disbelief. However, as she regained her health and confidence, she began to express genuine opinions about each car’s features and her preferred colors. Initially, they planned on a small red SUV, but later considered other options.
The plan was for my brother to pick them up from the airport in their new car, symbolizing a fresh start. Unfortunately, the car’s arrival was delayed, so this surprise had to wait. But upon their return, everyone noticed my mother’s rejuvenation – she looked younger, her skin glowed, she had lost weight, and she enthusiastically shared her Australian experiences.
This visit was transformative for me as well. While I had always acknowledged my mother’s pain, I began to understand why my siblings found her challenging at times. There were moments of confusion and tears, where she felt betrayed by her own body. But witnessing her journey from pain to joy, from withdrawal to engagement, was a profound experience, reshaping my understanding of her struggles and resilience.
Reflecting on Lessons from Jack Kornfield and Personal Growth
In “The Wise Heart: A Guide to the Universal Teachings of Buddhist Psychology,” Jack Kornfield discusses healing through mindful breathing and compassion. When my mother arrived, I noticed my internal judgments towards her pain and struggles. Recognizing that such thoughts hindered my ability to support her, I focused on addressing my own biases.
Whenever I caught myself feeling annoyed or judgmental, I reflected on my own ‘attachments’ and judgments, consciously breathing them out. Gradually, I began to see her as a frightened child in a confusing world, which softened my perspective.
A poignant moment occurred at the beach. As my mother struggled with her shoelaces, I bent down to help her, feeling a twinge of guilt for my earlier judgments. It reminded me of the countless times she had cared for me as a child, from tying my shoelaces to comforting me when I was sick.
This realization, along with other similar experiences during their first week, helped me confront my own inner challenges. I decided to dedicate my full attention to my parents during their stay, setting aside work and social engagements.
Whenever work-related stress crept in, I practiced deep breathing to maintain my focus on my parents. Initially, I thought this might be their last visit to Australia, but by the end of their stay, both my mother and I had changed our minds. She even spoke of future travels.
In the days leading up to their departure, we reflected on the visit. Each family member shared their special memories. My son Tsoof cherished the stories from my parents’ childhood, and we all reveled in the happy moments created.
My mother’s transformation was the highlight. She noticed a spark in her eyes, a sign of regained health and vitality. Her gratitude and newfound health brought joy to everyone.
Typically, hosting my parents for five weeks involves some tension, both for us as hosts and for them as guests. The language barrier and their dependence on me usually strain my relationship with my partner, Gal. However, this visit was different. There was no tension, no strain in our relationship, and a collective sense of accomplishment.
We had all feared we might not be able to alleviate her pain or that she might fall ill, but her declaration of feeling healthy was a triumphant moment for us all. It reminded us that sometimes, our fears are more daunting than the reality – our ‘wolf’ turned out to be less fearsome than we had anticipated.
Celebrating Nine Months of Health and Happiness
As I write this, it’s been nine months since my parents’ transformative visit. My mother’s health has improved dramatically. She no longer relies on painkillers, her legs are in excellent condition, and she has stopped taking medication for her blood sugar. Night sweats are a thing of the past, her arm strength has improved, and she’s actively engaged in physiotherapy.
Her regimen now includes vitamins and medicinal cannabis oil, which has been instrumental in maintaining her health and managing pain. She’s resumed driving and comfortably spends nights at my sisters’ homes, without the previous need for frequent bedsheet changes.
After discovering she wasn’t gluten-sensitive, she initially reintroduced gluten into her diet. However, attuned to her body’s responses, she chose to return to a gluten-free diet. Her diet now includes more protein, cold-pressed rice bran and olive oils, butter, and eggs without guilt.
She’s become a regular at the Country Club, a place she once resisted, and has even switched doctors, opting to walk to appointments instead of driving. Her dental visit has left her with a radiant smile.
Recently, when shoulder pain resurfaced, my father declined the doctor’s offer of painkillers, a decision my mother supported. She continues to take a placebo, feeling its positive effects, and my father keeps me updated on her progress.
She’s now actively making future plans, engaging in conversations with enthusiasm. During our Skype calls, she’s lively, often cooking in the kitchen with a smile.
At 88, we know she won’t live forever, but her current state of health and mindset is a world apart from where she was. She views her recovery as miraculous, a sentiment echoed by the entire family. This journey has not only revitalized her but has also allowed us and our extended family to cherish her presence for hopefully many more years.
I believe this kind of miracle is attainable for anyone facing similar challenges. The strategies that aided my mother’s recovery could potentially help others in need of a similar transformation.
